What it feels like to be white...

I'm starting to realize that if I'm going to write it's going to have to be intentional and sometimes forced if I want to write a lot (which I do). So here goes:

I've been dealing with a lot: trying to become part of a new culture, make new friends, create a new home, and learn the ways these things work around here. Before I moved to Buffalo I knew only a few things about it: that it snowed a lot and that it was a poor city. Being from the suburbs of Chicago, daughter of a upper-middle class white family, I didn't have very much interaction or experience with American poverty. Most of what I understand of poverty has come from international travel (mostly which has been service projects).

Buffalo is 1/3 poor, 1/2 black, and the office I work in is all men. As an upper-middle class white woman, that's a lot of difference, and I feel it every day.

My writing prompt for tonight is an essay I came across while reading the book Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti called White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh.

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McIntosh approached the issue of race through her relationship with male privilege. "If men want to deny (or do not accept) their privilege, there might be a similar situation with race," seems to be her initial thinking on exploring this issue:

"I think whites are carefully taught not to recognize white privilege, as males are taught not to recognize male privilege. So I have begun in an untutored way to ask what it is like to have white privilege. I have come to see white privilege as an invisible package of unearned assets that I can count on cashing in each day, but about which I was "meant" to remain oblivious."

Eventually her 'untutored way' resulted in a list of 50 effects of white privilege such as:

" 6. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented."

and

"7. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that people of my color made it what it is."

and

"21. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group."

These specific and relatable examples really bring it home for me. It's fairly commonplace for me to hear privilege being talked about abstractly, philosophically, but I think it's rare to be framed in a way that I can reflect on in my daily life.

McIntosh later suggests that we could take a next step and distinguish between positive and negative advantages of privilege and become "distressed" when those negative (i.e. "unearned") advantages are apparent. Though, "[d]isapproving of the system won't be enough to change them."

"To redesign social systems," she writes, "we need first to acknowledge their colossal unseen dimensions."

Here is her conclusion:

"Although systemic change takes many decades, there are pressing questions for me and, I imagine, for some others like me if we raise our daily consciousness on the perquisites of being light-skinned. What will we do with such knowledge? As we know from watching men, it is an open question whether we will choose to use unearned advantage, and whether we will use any of our arbitrarily awarded power to try to reconstruct power systems on a broader base."

Perhaps we confused privileged whites can start by looking toward feminist men/allies who work daily to recognize unequal privilege among their peers.

For now, I'm at least getting used to feeling my race. When I'm the only white person on a bus half-full of people, I feel it. When I get looked at differently by police, I feel it. I'm starting to realize and break down judgments I have that arise in an unconscious/conditioned manner. Being underprivileged as part of my gender I feel that friction more and am more likely to speak out against it, and I will try to think about how to take these responses to dealing with racial and class privileges I experience here in Buffalo as well.

For the full article click here.

Other quotes I thought were good but I didn't integrate in the writing:

• "I began to count the ways in which I enjoy unearned skin privilege and have been conditioned into oblivion about its existence. My schooling gave me no training in seeing myself as an oppressor, as an unfairly advantaged person, or as a participant in a damaged culture."
• "The pressure to avoid it is great, for in facing it I must give up the myth of meritocracy."
• "Many, perhaps most, of our white students in the United States think that racism doesn't affect them because they are not people of color; they do not see "whiteness" as a racial identity."

A bit of history we shouldn't forget

Wikipedia's first paragraph:

The "giant sucking sound" was United States Presidential candidate Ross Perot's colorful phrase for what he believed would be the negative effects of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), which he opposed. The phrase, coined during the 1992 U.S. presidential campaign, referred to the sound of U.S. jobs heading south for Mexico should the proposed free-trade agreement go into effect.

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Up next: How I find myself in the unlikely situation of being in Americorps...

Knit Mitten!

I made this! It was my first mitten and first time I used double pointed needles. So I just finished the pair and I'm working on a second one for someone else. Getting ready for winter.

what's in your soap?

this is interesting. wired breaks down palmolive dish soap into it's ingredients and discusses the purpose of each one. i'd like to see, also, from where or how each is synthesized.

Google Chrome

I recently sent in my laptop to get fixed (only because HP cut me an awesome deal), so I'm back to using a computer I built almost 10 years ago. Since then, I've upgraded the motherboard and RAM, but it's still slow and running Window XP. Browsing the 'net with Firefox and a zillion tabs like I do has quite an effect on this computer, so I decided to try Chrome to see if performance would improve. I'm happy to say it has. However, Google seems to be taking control over more and more of my digital life...

AmeriCorps Motivational Statement

So I'm not bragging about this mediocre statement, but I haven't written anything in a while, so here goes. What follows is my personal statement for a position I'm applying for with AmeriCorps. Let me know what you think.

When I went to New Orleans, I felt self-actualized for the first time in my life. As a psychology student, I had read about self-actualization in textbooks and heard of it in lectures; I understood the concept well. But it wasn’t until I chose to spend my spring break in New Orleans helping with Hurricane Katrina relief efforts that I actually knew what self-actualization felt like.
I had put myself in an unfamiliar situation; I found myself in a van full of people I had just met (except for one friend) and strapped in for the 14-hour drive south. I had no idea what to expect, and I had just decided to go on this trip because other plans fell through. I’d have to say, though, that it was the best last-minute choice I’ve made in my life.
The first morning in New Orleans I met Jeremiah. He was the volunteer coordinator: the top of the hierarchy of people in charge of the place I was staying – a makeshift shelter in an abandoned warehouse serving as lodging for about 120 college kids on spring break. Jeremiah was one of the first people in my life who I felt believed in me, someone who recognized my skills and valued them.
I worked alongside Jeremiah coordinating volunteers, contacting residents about rebuilding or gutting, and staffing the volunteer center. To say it was uncharted ground for me would be an understatement. I had never been in such a position of leadership, nor entrusted with as much responsibility. I wrote press releases and helped coordinate a large press conference to occur after I left, things I had never done before. But I like to get my hands dirty. I like challenges. So I wouldn’t say I was afraid.
That spring break in New Orleans was also the first time I realized that I like working with people, a lot. I had done other service projects in the past, but until then I don’t think I would’ve recognized myself as passionate about working with others. It was a great feeling to know that I was working with so many others who had taken the time to come down and help out. We had felt a similar draw to devote our time to, and this became an instant bond.
Some of us are called to action when we learn about what goes on in the world, as we become aware of the amount of suffering that occurs to other humans, other living beings, and the planet itself. Individually, though, I think we are very limited. In other words, there is very little we can do in isolation, by ourselves. But once we start talking to people about our ideas and our passions, that changes. Following my passion of self-actualization and surrounding myself with people who radiate their own passion have been my guiding forces since New Orleans. Only by putting our heads together, learning about each other’s skills, and harnessing our passions can we begin to make an impact.

The Story of Stuff

I just received an email from a friend with this link in it: http://www.storyofstuff.com/ ...I watched it and I love the movie. If you want to bypass it and go directly to their action steps, click here. What follows is an excerpt from a 20 minute video, jam-packed with facts in a really easy to digest way. There's a lot we could talk about regarding this video, so if it gets you inspired, comment or email me!

I do have one suggestion for the website and movie makers, which I outline in an email I just sent:

Hi -

I just watched The Story of Stuff. I think it does an amazing job at explaining complex problems in an engaging and simple way. I've already sent the links to many of my friends and family and I'll probably end up blogging about it a little later.

But I have one question, why not mention the other 3 "R"s? Sure, recycling is great, but it's on the bottom of the hierarchy of the other R's. I was recently working on a project to network sustainability efforts in Costa Rica and learned about the 4th R, "rechazar" in Spanish, or "reject" in English. In this hierarchy, rejecting products comes first - never buying those which are toxic, disposable, or otherwise harmful. Next would come "reduce," then "reuse," and, finally, "recycle."

We seem to have become obsessed with only the last R, the lowest on the hierarchy, the one with the least potential to change the linear system Annie Leonard spoke of -- to the neglect of the other 3, more helpful Rs. These 4 "R"s can be guiding principles, in addition to the 10 steps you have already outlined on the website. I think your website, and the organization of people behind it, could surely use it in a productive and educational way.

So, though I was disappointed to hear Annie only speak of recycling, and forget about its counterparts, I really enjoyed the video. I appreciate the work you're doing to bring these kinds of facts, statistics, and big picture problems to the computer screens of so many people in such a well-done effort.

Thanks, and keep up the great work,
Ari Sahagun

This particular issue, the over-focus on recycling to the neglect of the counterparts, has been on my mind lately. Writing this email-letter makes me want to write to some of the local papers around here and tell them about it. I think I just might.

Eco Warrior

Quoting likecool.com: If you see people littering on the street, not separating garbage..., transform to ECO WARRIOR!

Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five

I just finished reading Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. I like his nonchalant way of describing situations, and the visual quotidian imagery he employs. Here are a few quotes that made impressions on me:

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

The time would not pass. Somebody was playing with the clocks, and not only with the electric clocks, but the wind-up kind, too. The second hand on my watch would twitch once, and a year would pass, and then it would twitch again.

The Germans and the dog were engaged in a military operation which had an amusingly self-explanatory name, a human enterprise which is seldom described in detail, whose name alone, when reported as news or history, gives many war enthusiasts a sort of post-coital satisfaction. It is, in the imagination of combat's fans, the divinely listless loveplay that follows the orgasm of victory. It is called "mopping up."

Every time he inhaled his lungs rattled like greasy paper bags.

...He came slightly unstuck in time, saw the late movie backwards, then forwards again. It was a movie about American bombers in the Second World War and the gallant men who flew them. Seen backwards by Billy, the story went like this:
     American planes, full of holes and wounded men and corpses took off backwards from an airfield in England. Over France, a few German fighter planes flew at them backwards, sucked bullets and shell fragments from some of the planes and crewmen. They did the same for wrecked American bombers on the ground, and those planes flew up backwards to join the formation.
     The formation flew backwards over a German city that was in flames. The bombers opened the bomb bay doors, exerted a miraculous magnetism which shrunk the fires, gathered them into cylindrical steel containers, and lifted the containers into the bellies of the planes. The containers were stored neatly in racks. The Germans below had miraculous devices of their own, which were long steel tubes. They used them to suck more fragments from the crewmen and planes. But there were still a few wounded Americans, though, and some of the bombers were in bad repair. Over France, though, German fighters came up again and made everybody as good as new.
     When the bombers got back to their base, the steel cylinders were taken from the racks and shipped back to the United States of America, where factories were operating night and day, dismantling the cylinders, separating the dangerous contents into minerals. Touchingly, it was mainly women who did the work. The minerals were then shipped to specialists in remote areas. It was their business to put them in the ground, to hide them cleverly, so they would never hurt anybody every again.
     The American fliers turned in their uniforms and became high school kids. And Hitler turned into a baby, Billy Pilgrim supposed. That wasn't in the movie. Billy was extrapolating. Everybody turned into a baby, and all humanity, without exception, conspired biologically to produce two perfect people named Adam and Eve, he supposed.

...He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You'll never know who'll get one.

...There are almost no characters in this story, and almost no dramatic confrontations, because most of the people in it are so sick and so much the listless playthings of enormous forces.

...She applied her power brakes, and a Mercedes slammed into her from behind. Nobody was hurt, thank God, because both drivers were wearing seat belts. Thank God, thank God. The Mercedes lost only a headlight. But the rear end of the Cadillac was a body-and-fender man's wet dream. The truck and fenders were collapsed. The gaping trunk looked like the mouth of of village idiot who was explaining that he didn't know anything about anything. The fenders shrugged.

Letter to the Editor

I'm trying to clean out my closet of random things I've pack-ratted away during 4 years at college. I ran across this:


Campus sexual assault should not be tolerated
April 24th, 2008

What kind of society do we live in when women are not allowed to walk home without being in fear?

I was walking home from a library after a few intense hours of paper-writing. Around midnight, I decided to take a well-lit street home. As I walked past a dorm, a young man yelled at me, threatening to anally rape me. I didn't dare flinch nor look in his direction. A few seconds later, another man demanded me to answer. I spent the next few blocks walking fast, my heart racing, looking over my shoulder.

This story is not rare, nor an exception to the rule. It is ludicrous that it continues.

We must no longer tolerate this kind of behavior. It is a direct violation of the University's policy on sexual harassment; perpetrators must be held accountable to provide the safe environment promised to students on campus. What is the state of our campus community when students feel so confident to publicly commit such acts of sexual assault? It is essential that this not be tolerated on any level. Individually, it could be as simple as telling people you know about your experiences, rather than silencing them. Speak out against this.

We must come together and address the issue of sexual harassment, assault and violence as a community and commit to taking measures to end it. We should develop and promote education efforts that can be taken seriously by all students.

We must start respecting each other. Only from a profound lack of respect for fellow community members can one verbally threaten strangers on the street, and we must meet this disrespect with a steadfast will to overcome it.

This is not acceptable; our campus should not condone its continuance, and we should cultivate respect for one another.

Ari Sahagun
Senior in LAS

Go outside!

Awesome website to find outdoor events and spaces around you: http://www.nwf.org/naturefind/

Go outside and stop reading!

Design Feedback

I guess I haven't thought very critically about web design within the context of American society. I'm in Costa Rica working to co-create (i.e. hopefully with the influence of others) a social network for non-gov'tal organizations. Recently I've been seeking feedback about the site in face to face meetings, because I haven't been getting any though digital means (email, chat, feedback forms). I'm realizing that I have culture googles on. So I'm learning that looking at the forefront Web 2.0 standard-creating designers in the States (or other Northern countries) is perhaps not the only inspiration I should seek to design here, in Costa Rica. A lot of NGOs that do have websites have sites that look pretty old, I'm talking Geocities-era. If these are my peers, and the audience I work with is used to navigating these kinds of sites, I better pay more attention to them, and see how I can emulate Geocities within a Web 2.0 framework.

It's an interesting issue. Here's an example, the default tabs created by Drupal and the Zen theme are pretty standard, at least from my perspective. (Take a look)However, recently a professor at a national university told me that if he sees these tabs, he thinks that the "Editar" section is grayed out because it's unavailable -- so he wouldn't bother to click it. I had never thought of it that way.

Another prominent example I've heard a few times is genearl unfamiliarity with the Google Maps. Being pretty tech saavy, I take this fluency for granted, and I know what happens if you scroll with your mouse placed over the map. I haven't seen anyone here use Google Maps as the American designers intended them to be used.

Not to mention that the idea of a "social network" is much different than navagating the web more like a book, with a linear lay out and table of contents you can reference. My advisor calls being able to navagate something like a social network "branching literacy". Apparently, this skill isn't very developed in Costa Rica.

Just some food for thought. If you have any tips to suggest, please do!

Soneto XVII

This is one of my favorite poems. I have a thing for sonnets, probably because they're ridiculously romantic. I still would like to consider myself one of those too, hopeless or not. Anyway, without further ado, here is the original Spanish and translated English versions of Pablo Neruda's Sonnet 27.

Soneto XVII
No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

~

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Hey Latina!

So, I ride a lot of buses in Costa Rica. Of course there are vendors who sell things to people on buses. From your seat, someone outside the bus will try and sell you anything from coke, to chips (potato, yucca, and banana), to sliced fresh fruit. People get on the bus and yell whatever products they're selling, and usually it's a good deal for we weary bus riders. One particularly alluring product on the hot days is something called 'gelatina,' basically frozen juice in a bag like a popsicle. I didn't think anything of it until Justin asked me, "Why are they yelling 'Hey Latina'?"...So now every time I see gelatina that's what I think of.

What is sustainability? What is "the environment"?

I think our common, mainstream definitions of these words, and a lot of rhetoric around concern for these things is constructed in a way that doesn't get to the root of our problem. Here's what I mean:

I personally think a lot of the standard arguments for sustainability are shit. Fuck economics, fuck science, technology, etc. (In this case, as a basis for this argument.) I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that a lot of people no longer have the foundations to create relationships with non-human entities. I mean here, that this "inherent value" that the earth/environment/whatever you call it, should manifest itself as a respect and awe within us, unconsciously, and if you grow up in a grid full of concrete boxes, I don't know if that's possible*. I think this problem is at the root of so many other current psychological problems in our society and world. *Sorry, that's a little harsh. It may be possible, but I think it takes a conscious effort to remember it.

At least that's what I've been thinking lately.

All our urges toward "green" "eco-friendly" things that "help our environment" are just misplaced desires to reconnect to the natural world. We don't need a greener clorox product, an eco-lodge in the middle of the most biodiverse place on earth, or to give money to an NGO for it's administrative costs, we need to walk around in the grass, observe the differences in how a robin and hawk fly, and hear the sound of bugs crawling on the forest floor. Then, I think we can start thinking about what it could look like to live a life that is worth passing on to our children.

I very rarely hear this argument constructed in that way, especially in a classroom. It may be too simple for academia, even for psychologists who think they/try to understand people. I hope whatever I do next in my life will try to answer the questions this way...I'd like to understand more about it, and I think it has a lot of potential.

The little things

--We were walking down the street passing some speakers blaring salsa from the supermarket. I looked inside and saw two of the employees dancing.
--We're on a bus from the middle of nowhere to the middle of nowhere, and after about 2 hours, someone sitting next to me whips out an ASUS netbook.
--When waitresses, vendors, or cashiers call me 'amor'.
--That there can be a normal-looking town that macaws or capuchin monkeys visit.
--That there can be 90 people on a bus at one time. Some of the buses get real crowded. But you can get anywhere on them.
--Reliably good, really cheap coffee. I can't stress this enough.

Homesick?

What I miss:
--Claussen pickles. A big fat jar of them. The juicy crunchy tangyness of them.
--Oh, and friends and family, too. I miss being able to sit down and talk to someone without having to start from scratch. Relationships with history.
--Good dark chocolate. The smooth bitter kind.
--Not being afraid of tropical bugs/illnesses.
--Social deviance. I miss talking to people who are critical of normal social activities. Probably I'm spoiled after living in Urbana for 4 years.
--Shelves to put my shit on. I'm getting a little tired of living out of a backpack. We've been traveling since the lease ran out on June 15, and we will be until August. In the moist climate everything smells like Ben's dreadlocks and cramming it all into a backpack next to my laptop is less than desirable.
--Recycling. There's so much garbage here.
--Sidewalks.

What's better:
--Canned alcoholic drinks. Rock Ice is pretty good. Cuba libres in a can is pretty cool too.
--The pace of life. People are so nice here...and generally patient. I visited the states back in May (we talked) and I was struck at how impatient Americans are - especially with other people. I'm not looking forward to going back to that.
--Huge variety of tropical fruits. ...Every time I go to a market or store I find new fruits. There are these things called mamon chino (rambutan? in english, or is that a country somewhere...?) which are kind of like lychees. Today we found a wine made out of them and it's awesome.
--Public transportation! You can get anywhere on a bus, it'll take a while, but you can get there for cheap without owning a car.
--Hearing Latin music all the time. I like the animated beat and the corny romantic lyrics.
--Biodiversity in general. It's great to see so many plants and animals I've never heard of before. Crazy bugs birds plants mammals.

Leo Kottke: Rings

One of my favorite songs!

news from the costa rican campo (countryside)

here are some new pictures to accompany this update:
http://picasaweb.google.com/arisahagun/CostaRica2OutsideTheCentralValley

background / what we've been up to:
so our lease ran up in the "city" (metropolis of the central valley, specifically, heredia) and we've been traveling since then, the 15th. on the 14th, we came to san isidro for a permaculture workshop with a few other white people. the fact that so few non-white people practice permaculture is becoming more and more apparent to me, and i've been thinking about it a lot. i'm trying to figure out the backstory on that.

so after we moved out, we spent a few nights in Mastatal, a really rural town west of san jose. the bus had to stop at the top of a hill, and all the passengers got out and walked to the bottom of it because there was a small mudslide that wiped out the road. we eventually got to Marcos' little finca (farm). he made some really delicious food. here's one example: mashed potatoes, a little diced onion and cilantro, mixed with canned tuna, stuffed into cooked noodle tubes (i can't remember the italian name) about 4 inches long, then coated with "criollo" (creole, or, well, spicy ketchup) sauce, then deep fried. it was good. we slept basically out in the jungle. it was a 10 min hike into "la montaña" he called it, and we slept on a lofted structure under mosquito netting. when we woke up in the morning there were like tons of black/green-spotted frogs just chilling all over the ground (which he previously told us were poisonous if you touch them)...and at this point, we had only seen 1 frog in all of CR. ...so we were a little surprised by the amount there were.

we basically had to pack up and leave mastatal because the internet access was limited to 3 old computers in a hot cement-brick room with a slow connection. we couldn't start the beta test under those conditions. this was unfortunate because we both really enjoyed marcos' place.

so we hitched a ride with 2 irish hippies who worked at the chocolate place (la iguana chocolate) next door. they bought a $2,000 1950's land rover in san jose and drove it all the way out there. we rode with them to the coast and got off in quepos.

quepos is a hot destination because of manuel antonio, a huge national park nearby. the setting was beautiful, except for the rampant development going on. we found a hostel in the town of manuel antonio - well, i say 'town' loosely. it was basically a collection of hotels and over priced restaurants which had bottlenecked and corroded the entrance to the park. we've found that where ever there are tourists, there's wi-fi internet...and our hostel was no exception. mind blowing internet speed...best we've had. and in an otherwise rural area. so there are monkeys and parrots and bright blue butterflies and palm trees and epiphites and beach and tourists flying everywhere. and we finally launched the beta test. yay!

we stayed there for a week, and left on the day that the power had died for the entire town...we saw downed trees on the lines on the bus trip out of town.

now i'm sitting in noe's 'yoga dojo' (say it, it's kinda fun). back around the town of san isidro again. we've been here for a few days (since sunday) and i'm still trying to get used to the place. there are a LOT of contradictions and conflicts. crazyness and meditation, work and yoga, white and tico, native and foreign, really disruptive cattle farming in the jungle, permaculture, tourism, respect for the earth and destruction of it, paradise, paradise lost, objectification, sexism, racism, myopic over-focused anthropocentrism...so i'm a little confused here. i think i'll have more coherent thoughts of it after a few more days and some distance from it.

in the meantime, we're working to facilitate the beta test getting off the ground. michelle (our advisor at uiuc) recently made contact with a large costa rican organization which might be interested in funding/sustaining the network, so we're very excited about that prospect.

Permaculture

Yesterday I went to a permaculture workshop. Permaculture is something I've been interested in for a while now.

Last week, I told a friend that I was going to this workshop and he asked, "What is permaculture?" My answer was, "Well I don't really know; that's why I'm going!" All I know is that most everything I've heard about it makes me like it, and makes me want to learn more.

The teacher yesterday (Sam) defined it as "ecological design science." Basically, it's a collection of principles for how to do lower-impact agricultural activity. Drawing on local resources, taking a lot of time to observe and plan, considering the entire ecosystem, and working as (our interpretations of) nature would are some of the foundations.

Sam said that for the first few years he was learning about it, he was unable to come up with an intelligible definition. So now I don't feel too bad about not knowing, and I've taken another step to learn more.

More info, of course, at Wikipedia, here and here. The picture is from the cover of the permaculture bible.

Good icebreaker

Just ran across this browsing random design blogs...an icebreaker where everyone answers "I can teach you..."

Here's the flickr set.

One impression of rural Costa Rica

The past week we've been traveling to some pretty rural towns. I noticed that men stare "deeper" there, with more penetration, as compared to what I normally experience around here, in the urban areas. In most of Latin America, men stare pretty often, and sometimes do more (whistle/beep/etc), but this was different. Like 90% of the men on the street stared at me and it made me feel physically, viscerally objectified. Made me feel like I was wearing a bikini, when I was wearing way more clothes than the climate allowed for (hardly any skin showing)...wishing I had a cloak to add on top. I can't find the right word for it, 'disgusting' keeps popping up, but that's not quite it. Completely devalued? Naked? I'm not sure. They were definitely not looking at what I felt was me. All of this was walking next to Justin - and a couple of times he said buenas dias/noches or hola to them and they didn't even acknowledge him, just stared right past him to me, through me. God, it was creepy and I hated being there. So unwelcome.

Soccer

I've been at my computer during this game between the US and Costa Rica, the game to determine which team goes to the 2010 World Cup. Unfortunately the US is losing 3-0 with 15 minutes to go, but every goal, the entire town around me screams and dogs bark. Needless to say, Costa Ricans are kind of obsessed with soccer.

I have to admit, I'd like to be at a bar or at the game, but I was a little scared to see what would've happened if the US won.

a second for the environment

weird we feel like we're "helping "the environment"" when we buy a car that still uses gas and is made from all kinds of unsustainable materials. yes, it's definitely less bad than most other cars on the market, i think, but it's still a weird thing to say. furthermore, i'm not comfortable, from a psychological standpoint, with our use of the term (and conception of the idea) "the environment". what exactly are we referring to in that sense? and what makes us feel like we're helping it when we buy a car or, say, change a lightbulb? i feel that term and the phrase serves to distance ourselves from nature - from something tangible, from creation/our mother earth. people who say "save/help the environment" aren't usually in touch with that. (in my opinion, which i know is pretty "radical")

2 quotes

Two totally unrelated quotes:

From John Ruskin (1819-1900, British romantic environmentalist):

Whereas the mediaeval never painted a cloud, but with the purpose of placing an angel in it; and a Greek never entered a wood without expecting to meet a god in it; we should think the appearance of an angel in the cloud wholly unnatural, and should be seriously surprised by meeting a god anywhere. Our chief ideas about the wood are connected with poaching. We have no belief that the clouds contain more than so many inches of rain or hail, and from our ponds and ditches expect nothing more divine than ducks and watercresses.

I personally like his mourning about our loss of expectation. If nothing else I feel that this loss may be the greatest for humanity solely, as through an anthropogenic lens.

From Dan Savage (The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant)

The same impulse that drives grown gay men to walk around holding hands could be pushing us toward this [adopting a child]. For same-sex couples, taking a lover's hand is almost never an unself-conscious choice. You have to think about where you are, whether you're safe, and you have to look. By the time you determine you're safe, you're not even sure you want to hold hands anymore. The genuine moment has passed, but you've invested so much energy and angst that now you can't not take your lover's hand. You wind up holding and the only reason you take your lover's hand is to prove that you can.

Surely, this fascinates me because of my interest in psychology; I think he does a great job at explaining our relentless doubting/insecurity (whether this is socially or individually caused).

I just visited the US and picked up a few new books!

Costa Rica

This and the next few posts are my personal experiences from being in Costa Rica. You can read the more professional blog from the project site: www.nvov.org/blog/. I've been here for about 2.5 months now and I'm still learning a lot!

Here are a few things I've noticed and want to remember:

1. People are happy here. They smile, they take their time, and are usually very friendly and helpful. Like a lot of other places in the world (Latin America and Europe for sure), people kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye.
2. Lots more waste. It's definitely harder to recycle here, and as someone living temporarily it's hard to compost, because I can't have a garden!
3. In certain roles, people are more patient. For example, take waiters/waitresses. Here, there's no harassing. They assist you when you feel like, and you are in control of the service (for the most part). Rather than constantly bugging you like in the US, you need to ask to get service here. I like it.
4. Kissing on the cheek! I like when cultures embrace physical contact. I think it's more inline with our psychologies as human beings than trying to deny it, as I sometimes feel we do in the U.S.
5. Cool new Spanish phrases. Pura vida, todo bien, etc. It's been interesting to see how my Spanish skills were geographically-based, and now to be able to incorporate some Costa Rican vocab into the mix.
6. The nickname "reinita." I was walking in the market and some guy was trying to convince me to buy his cheese (or meat or fruit or whatever) and called me "hey little queen." A little endearing?
   

Things I miss about the US:

1. Sidewalks. Flat, usable sidewalks, without lots of dog poo. Yes, I do miss that.
2. Friends and family, loved ones in general. I've made a few friends here, but it's hard to make good friends quickly. I miss knowing people.
   

Other things:
It feels weird to constantly be comparing "us" and "them". I find myself doing that pretty often - we do this, they do that - and I'm not sure that I like it.

This is just a start to what I hope will be an avenue for my reflections.

As for staring at my sister's ass

First, why do guys think I give a shit about how hot my sister* is?? Or that it isn't offensive...I feel some mature part of myself suppressing the inevitable rant so I can actually tell you something coherent, and I've been trying to think how to word it. It goes something like this:

Privilege has a history that the privileged are often blind to. It would be one thing, let's say, in a vacuum society with a blank slate, for a man to look at a woman's ass. It's biological, sexual, evolutionary. Completely guilt-free, and, well, natural. Same with the reverse (woman checking out a man)(EDIT: or a woman checking out a woman or a man checking out a man).

However, in our society, that is not the case. The case is that for the past few hundred years (maybe even thousand), women have been constructed as objects in mens' minds. We have been forced to act according to man's will. We are told how to dress, how to walk, how to please him. We are fed a history of lies - of how we are made from him (Eve from Adam), of how we are not as holy as He (no female Priests, Rabbis (until lately), few deities), of how we are not as powerful (no presidents, political leaders, few CEOs), we are told we are weak, we are not artistic or creative (no major female artists, poets, writers, inventors until the past 2 centuries). We are dehumanized, demoralized, and thus dominated by the male psyche. So, when you stare at a woman's ass in our society, that's what you're reinforcing.

When you tell me about staring at my sister's ass, you ask me to justify that, and I cannot.

(* I use this word in the broadest sense possible.)

Costa Rica!

Hey - I'm in Costa Rica working on a research project called Nuestra Voz ("our voice"). Check out the blog here: http://www.nvov.org/blog/

Another Rainbow Dessert

I can't help myself. This looks delicious. Well not really, but it's pretty. I'm going to try and make it...with a slightly different recipe than the original. I already have chocolate frosting and I'm fine with using the standard box cake recipe rather than the diet soda (kinda weirds me out).

Knitting Updates: Felting!

Since I had to scrap the awesome booties because of the Mobius strip (read last post), I'm going to go with something similar and more useful in a warmer climate. Here are some links I've used.

• Here you can learn to felt by hand. Many people choose to felt wool in a washing machine, but I think it'd be cool to do the first one by hand to see the process in action, rather than let the machine do the magic. So I'll try that way and see how it goes.
  
• I'm on to making this and this for a laptop and camera with matching yarn.

I'll let you know how they turn out!

Beginner's Knitting Lessons

So it's the middle of winter and I'm bored so I decided to re-learn knitting. The possibilities are really endless and, contrary to cultural belief, knitting is not just for old women. Young women, men, basically anyone can knit if they choose to set their minds and hands to it. So, here are my tips for beginners, problems that I've run into in the past week, problems I write also so I don't run into them again!

• First, here's an awesome, huge database of free knitting patterns (beginner-advanced): http://www.knittingpatterncentral.com/directory.php
• Second, when switching from knitting to purling, you must switch the feed yarn from (in this case) back to front. The reverse is true also. If you don't, you'll screw up and have to start over. Or if you're really smart you'll figure out how to fix it...
  
• Third, do not knit Mobius strips. If you knit on a circular needle, apparently this is a threat, and you must watch out for it. I did not know of this, figuring that that was a made up thing, but it happened and now I have to start over, half-way done with a project.

Good luck.

Flash Card Program

I just returned from Mexico and want to work on my Spanish. Mnemosyne, an open source flash card program, has been really helpful.