happiness

why is doing what makes you happy crazy? why do we wait until we die to realize that living in the present moment is what we want to be doing, and until then live only in false hopes of one day becoming self-actualized? i can't possibly be the only one to realize these things, to face unhappiness, and to struggle with it. do other people do this? i suppose, yes, other people are unhappy, and do fix it - either through prozac, other drugs (i.e. alcohol), or other means of consumption - all different ways of some way or other losing oneself. why are we afraid to recognize our unhappiness? are we scared we won't be able to address it? i guess patch was right when he said that most people are depressed because they feel alone. maybe one day, together we can figure out why.

why is doing what makes you happy crazy? why do we wait until we die to realize that living in the present moment is what we want to be doing, and until then live only in false hopes of one day becoming self-actualized? i can't possibly be the only one to realize these things, to face unhappiness, and to struggle with it. do other people do this? i suppose, yes, other people are unhappy, and do fix it - either through prozac, other drugs (i.e. alcohol), or other means of consumption - all different ways of some way or other losing oneself. why are we afraid to recognize our unhappiness? are we scared we won't be able to address it? i guess patch was right when he said that most people are depressed because they feel alone. maybe one day, together we can figure out why.

french movies

...i like french movies. i just watched one today called venus beauty institute with audrey tautou (amelie). basically it's a love story. the french are really good at those - the acting in this movie gave me butterflies and reminded me that "...yes, love does exist, and i know what it is..." which is sometimes (for whatever reason) hard to keep in mind. anyway, you should check it out.

oxygen

a song:

i wanna be better than oxygen
so you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
i wanna speak louder than Ritalin
for all the children who think that they've got a disease
i wanna be cooler than t.v.
for all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
we can be stronger than bombs
if you're singing along and you know that you really believe
we can be richer than industry
as long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
we can speak louder than ignorance
cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.

on and on, and on, and on it goes
the world it just keeps spinning
until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
so close my eyes and start again anew.

i wanna see through all the lies of society
to the reality, happiness is at stake
i wanna hold up my head with dignity
proud of a life where to give means more than to take
i wan't to live beyond the modern mentality
where paper is all that you're really taught to create
do you remember the forgotten America?
justice, equality, freedom to every race?
just need to get past all the lies and hypocrisy
make up and hair to the truth behind every face
that look around to all the people you see,
how many of them are happy and free?
i know it sounds like a dream
but it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night
i know it's hard to believe
but it's easy to see that something here isn't right
i know the future looks dark
but it's there that the kids of today must carry the light.

Willy Mason (Oxygen)

the cost of freedom

i've seen a few bumper stickers or whatnot declaring that "freedom is not free." i don't really understand this. at the korean war veteran's memorial in washington d.c. there is an engraving that says this, too.

i'm not sure if this is the truth (as something that would exist outside our (human created) society) or if it's a social creation. if it is the latter, is it created to make us feel more ok about war, about dying, using literally billions of dollars to promote this militant idea of freedom? if the former is true, what is the cost of freedom? lives lost? dollars spent? time? effort? is freedom part of what is natural and, perhaps to extrapolate that: innate? well, if it's not free, who sells it? is this something i can buy or barter for?

i personally believe that freedom (or lack thereof) is a creation, a state of mind or state of being. i believe that society can tell you that you are not free, and even physically restrain you (i.e. in jail), but then we get into different definitions of freedom. here's a poem, by ho chi minh:

Although they have tightly bound my arms and legs,
All over the mountain I hear the song of birds,
And the forest is filled
with the perfume of spring-flowers.
Who can prevent me from freely enoying these,
which take from the long journery
a little of its lonliness?

this is the freedom that i relate to. i do not yet understand the freedom which is not free.

organization

thoughts from the movie blow

it's odd how the drug trade works very well against the current of mainstream society. not only is the underground market highly organized and maintains to be efficiently covert, it also tends to benefit people in less developed communities. further, these people in third world countries are benefitting off of our (first world) need to drown away our problems (i.e. through drugs) which are created and maintained by taking advantage of other third world countries.

peace

i'm reading a book by thich nhat hanh called creating true peace (isbn: 0743245199). i started as a response to a jewish friend who supported both peace and israel bombing lebanon. i want to understand that contradiction, so i can live through it and create peace. i also want to share some memorable quotes from the book, and they follow.

• "we have allowed violence to accumulate in us for too long because he have had no strategy to deal with it." pg. 14
  
• "we create true peace when we are inclusive of others...exclusion, getting caught by our views, is a deep-seated habit that arises from fear and misunderstanding of others." pg. 15
  
• "when we hold back our feelings and ignore our pain, we are committing violence against ourselves. the practice of nonviolence is to be here, to be present, and to recognize our own pain or despair." pg. 16
  
• "...striving to increase our compassion does not mean that instantly there are only positive elements in us. if this were the case, there would be no need to practice." pg. 35
  
• "there is no walk for peace; peace must be the walk." pg. 65

peace

i'm reading a book by thich nhat hanh called creating true peace (isbn: 0743245199). i started as a response to a jewish friend who supported both peace and israel bombing lebanon. i want to understand that contradiction, so i can live through it and create peace. i also want to share some memorable quotes from the book, and they follow.

• "we have allowed violence to accumulate in us for too long because he have had no strategy to deal with it." pg. 14
  
• "we create true peace when we are inclusive of others...exclusion, getting caught by our views, is a deep-seated habit that arises from fear and misunderstanding of others." pg. 15
  
• "when we hold back our feelings and ignore our pain, we are committing violence against ourselves. the practice of nonviolence is to be here, to be present, and to recognize our own pain or despair." pg. 16
  
• "...striving to increase our compassion does not mean that instantly there are only positive elements in us. if this were the case, there would be no need to practice." pg. 35
  
• "there is no walk for peace; peace must be the walk." pg. 65

first post

so i've been toying with the idea of getting a blog, and i'm finally doing it. i'm not sure how long this will last, as it is kind of weird writing to someone who will also end up viewing this through a computer screen. i guess i should participate so i can better come to understand why so many people are interested in this.