Travel 2013: Sexism in india

The oppression of women, or sexism, in India was worse than I expected.  However, I’m sure that several of these things are sexist as I perceive them and may not be perceived that way by the women who live it every day.   I can say for sure, that men make it uncomfortable for women (at least foreign women) to walk on the street.  They stare blatantly and harshly.  This can range from curiosity to something more lustful and scary.   Many times a day, men would walk by staring directly at our breasts and not make eye contact – this is from close range.  There was rarely a time when my sister and I were sitting some place where there were not men staring.  I’m not exaggerating.  For example, in restaurants, often there would be either another patron or multiple wait staff staring.  One time, I counted 10 at once in a restaurant.  On our train ride from Delhi to Agra (a major tourist thoroughfare) 5 men stared as we played cards.

In a tourism book, I read that it isn’t uncommon for women to get groped in public spaces (like crowded markets or public transportation).  Fortunately this didn’t happen to me, but I had the mind to grab some man’s wrist after he tried anything and not just let him walk away freely from it.

Occasionally, often with some layer of protection, like speed (from a moving autorickshaw) or glass (from inside a restaurant), my sister and I would challenge blatant and unrelenting staring.  Once Licia stuck her tongue out at a guy who was staring from outside restaurant and he started laughing as he tried to return the gesture.  He eventually moved out of direct line of sight but still checked in on us.  The last few days, we started saying things loudly to each other, like “you shouldn’t stare,” or “stop staring at us.”  I’m pretty sure it is also seen as impolite in Indian culture, but I didn’t see any Indian women respond to it.

The dress code is different in India for women than it is in the U.S., but that is being challenged in big cities by younger women.  Traditionally, women wear saris (long cloth wrapped around her body) or kurtas and tights or some pants under them.  Their legs were generally fully covered, and often, with kurtas, so were their arms.  And this is in temperatures above 100 degrees F.  Licia and I generally wore dresses with tights under them, so not as fully covered, but still more than either of us would like to wear if we had the choice.  Pulling up tights in 100 degree weather is far from easy or comfortable.  So we felt like we were doing our part to not have our bodies exposed.

And I think the heat made my frustration with staring men worse.  Since it’s difficult to feel any power in the face of the threat of violence and potential lack of shared language, we often felt unable to express anything to the men who were being offensive.  Put that in a steamy oven of 115 degrees that is Delhi in the summer and it feels pretty ugly.  

Talking Back by bell hooks

Picked up bell hooks' Talking Back - thinking feminism, thinking black, and it's awesome!

I want to share a few quotes with you that I've found inspiring, and, as an appetizer a Ryan Gosling meme:

• In the world of the southern black community I grew up in, "back talk" and "talking back" meant speaking as an equal to an authority figure. ... To speak then when one was not spoken to was a courageous act - an act of risk and daring.
• There are some folks for whom openness is not about the luxury of "will I choose to share this or tell that," but rather "will I survive - will I make it through - will I stay alive?"
• The history of colonialization, imperialism is a record of betrayal, of lies, and deceits.  The demand for that which is real is a demand for reparation, for transformation.  In resistance, the exploited, the oppressed work to expose the false reality - to reclaim and recover ourselves.  We make the revolutionary history, telling the past as we have learned it mouth-to-mouth, telling the present as we see, know and feel it in our hearts and in our words.
• Moving from silence into speech is for the oppressed, the colonized, the exploited, and those who stand and struggle side by side a gesture of defiance that heals, that makes new life and new growth possible.  It is that act of speech, of "talking back," that is no mere gesture of empty words, that is the expression of our movement from object to subject - the liberated voice.
• [Poetry] was meant to transform consciousness, to carry the mind and heart to a new dimension.
• The insistence on finding one voice, one definitive style of writing, and reading one's poetry, fit all too neatly with the static notion of itself and identity that was pervasive in university settings.  It seemed that many black students found our situations problematic precisely because our sense of self, and by definition our voice, was not unilateral, monologist, or static, but rather multi-dimensional.
• When we dare to speak in a liberatory voice, we threaten even those who may initially claim to want our words. In the act of overcoming our fear of speech, of being seen as threatening, in the process of learning to speak as subjects, we participate in the global struggle to end domination. When we end our silence, when we speak in a liberated voice, our words connect us with anyone, anywhere who lives in silence. Feminist focus on women finding a voice, on the silence of black women, of women of color, has led to increased interest in our words. This is an important historical moment. We are both speaking of our own volition, out of our commitment to justice, to revolutionary struggle to end domination, and simultaneously called to speak, "invited" to share our words. It is important that we speak. What we speak about is more important. It is our responsibility collectively and individually to distinguish between mere speaking that is about self-aggrandizement, exploitation of the exotic "other," and that coming to voice which is a gesture of resistance, an affirmation of struggle.
• While the struggle to eradicate sexism and sexist oppression is and should be the primary thrust of feminist movement, to prepare ourselves politically for this effort we must first learn how to be in solidarity, how to struggle with one another.

Why I love it, a start:

I love how she sees voice as the mechanism to move from subject to object.  From colonized, to powerful. I love to hear her thoughts on how finding voice can be transformative, and how she also is critical of mainstream (white) feminism in that it isn't just about speaking, it's also about the content of what is said.
I love it because she makes me ask the question, again: "what does solidarity mean?"  She makes me want to understand and feel what she means by "an affirmation of struggle" - as it relates to finding a voice.

I love how she presents of the stakes of speaking up/talking back.  It's not a luxury of what to share, and does/has carry/carried serious punishments.  And it doesn't seem like she does so from a perspective of being a victim, which I've seen presented harshly recently.  Rather, she speaks a lot to the courage required and the power gained by speaking against these punishments.

Update, 1 hour later: just saw this on Facebook and I think it highlights a lot of what bell hooks brings up, check it out:

My response to GOOD blog post on women entrepreneurs

My mom sent me a link to this article: Don’t Just ‘Lean In’: 10 Ways Women Entrepreneurs and Leaders Should Take Action Now.  Which discusses a new social network, called Lean In, to support entrepreneurial women and then provides 10 tips.

Here are those 10:

• Stop talking about being a victim—words become beliefs that become reality. Be a positive voice in the gender conversation, and look for the gratitude and lessons in every situation.

• Smile and say “thank you” when complimented.

• Practice having honest and open dialogue—start with family or close friends and then move outwards. Be mindful of appropriateness, but eventually this kind of authentic vulnerability and boundary setting will feel seamless, natural, and empowering.

• Don’t wait for an invitation—ask for what you want. Nobody can read your mind, and life becomes much more fun when it’s interactive.

• Stop discrediting your achievements, and do not apologize your way out of the discomfort you feel as a result of your growth. Own it.

• If you’ve been talking about wanting to do something for a while, seek support and GO DO IT. Your taking action gives others permission to do the same.

• Set realistic expectations for yourself, and let go of the desire to be perfect. Watch as your frustrations with other people’s imperfections ease.

• If you feel competitive with another woman, reach out and offer to help her out. It’s amazing what counter-action (and a little kindness) can do to dissolve negative feelings. Do this for yourself—resentment is toxic only to the one harboring it.

• Stop obsessing and talking about your guilt. This self-centeredness stalls needed progress. Instead, use your emotions as a guidepost, allowing you to course-correct at anytime.

• Raise your hand, and keep it up.

Stop telling women to smile!

Frankly, I was put off by the assumptions that guide the 10 tips.  Like “stop being a victim” and “stop feeling guilty.”  I’m sure that: a) those aren’t the things that hold me back, and b) if they were, the author provides no guidance as to how to go about doing these things which wouldn’t help anybody feel better if they’re already feeling victimized (targeted) and guilty!
Oh, AND, this article makes no mention of the larger, systemic issues like patriarchy or how capitalism has been set up to privilege (white) men and undervalue women.  I’m not going to go in to that ball of wax here, but is central and should not be left out of this discussion.

The suggestions also remind me of a recent artist’s work against street harassment, called Stop Telling Women to Smile.

Oversimplified, cliche pop-psychology advice from a blog post isn’t going to change anything for female entrepreneurs.

On the other hand, the narrative part of the article that suggests building a support group of like-minded women (and maybe a few men), then addressing/discussing these items as a group, and sharing what actually works IS helpful.

Those bullets makes me feel like the author is stereotyping me, saying to stop doing something, and providing no path as to how to do so, completely devoid of the larger socio-cultural context.  I’m tired of that.

So here’s my bulleted list:

• Stop stereotyping women and provide meaningful, personal support before you make suggestions as to how we should live our lives, think about ourselves, and run our businesses.

Political Ethnicity

"This tribe called "women of color" is not an ethnicity.  It is one of the inventions of solidarity, an alliance, a political necessity that is not the given name of every female with dark skin and a colonized tongue, but rather a choice about how to resist and with whom." - Aurora Levins Morales

On rape jokes

1 in 4 people.  1 in 4 refers to the number of reported sexual assaults of women on college campuses during their undergraduate years.

This happened. In a nutshell, a comedian, Daniel Tosh, made some sort of rape joke, a woman (COURAGEOUSLY, by the way) stood up and said that, "actually, rape jokes aren't funny," to which Tosh responded along the lines of, "wouldn't it be hilarious if this woman got gang-raped right here."

Then this good article (and several less good ones) was written.

Some key quotes from the Jezebel article include:

• "The world is full of terrible things, including rape, and it is okay to joke about them. But the best comics use their art to call bullshit on those terrible parts of life and make them better, not worse."
• "We censor ourselves all the time, because we are not entitled, sociopathic fucks. ...A comic who doesn't censor himself is just a dude yelling." (*Could be "herself" and "a chick" yelling...)
• "It's really easy to believe that "nothing is sacred" when the sanctity of your body and your freedom are never legitimately threatened."
• "It's like the difference between a black comic telling a joke about how it feels to have white people treat you like you're stupid all the time vs. a white comic telling a joke about how stupid black people are."

The author of the article also has a paragraph that explains the importance of the *context* of sexism and patriarchy that surrounds this joke, by making up an analogy that might help people understand it at some level.

quote

“It can’t be any more obvious that we live in a patriarchal society if ”feminist” is a bad word.”

Ellen Page (aka Juno)

privilege: a poem

privilege
a poem for men who don't understand what we mean when we say they have it

D.A. Clarke

reprinted from Banshee, Peregrine Press

Copyright (c) 1981

privilege is simple:
going for a pleasant stroll after dark,
not checking the back of your car as you get in, sleeping soundly,
speaking without interruption, and not remembering
dreams of rape, that follow you all day, that woke you crying, and
privilege
is not seeing your stripped, humiliated body
plastered in celebration across every magazine rack, privilege
is going to the movies and not seeing yourself
terrorized, defamed, battered, butchered
seeing something else

privilege is
riding your bicycle across town without being screamed at or
run off the road, not needing an abortion, taking off your shirt
on a hot day, in a crowd, not wishing you could type better
just in case, not shaving your legs, having a decent job and
expecting to keep it, not feeling the boss's hand up your crotch,
dozing off on late-night busses, privilege
is being the hero in the TV show not the dumb broad,
living where your genitals are totemized not denied,
knowing your doctor won't rape you

privilege is being
smiled at all day by nice helpful women, it is
the way you pass judgment on their appearance with magisterial authority,
the way you face a judge of your own sex in court and
are over-represented in Congress and are not strip searched for a traffic ticket
or used as a dart board by your friendly mechanic, privilege
is seeing your bearded face reflected through the history texts
not only of your high school days but all your life, not being
relegated to a paragraph
every other chapter, the way you occupy
entire volumes of poetry and more than your share of the couch unchallenged,
it is your mouthing smug, atrocious insults at women
who blink and change the subject -- politely -- privilege
is how seldom the rapist's name appears in the papers
and the way you smirk over your PLAYBOY

it's simple really, privilege
means someone else's pain, your wealth
is my terror, your uniform
is a woman raped to death here, or in Cambodia or wherever
wherever your obscene privilege
writes your name in my blood, it's that simple,
you've always had it, that's why it doesn't
seem to make you sick to your stomach,
you have it, we pay for it, now
do you understand

Lecture: Race and Whiteness within Vegan Philosophy

I attended two of Breeze Harper's talks as part of the Campus EcoFeminism Summit, an event I am glad to know will be continuing annually. I learned a lot from attending her keynote speech and her less formal vegan meet n' greet event earlier in the day. What it means to be a good environmentalist today is to buy more things: a hybrid car, organic veggies, expensive gadgets. Along these lines, I'll admit: never before had I explicitly considered where race and class belong in the discussion of veganism.

Breeze Harper was the summit's keynote speaker with speech called: “Race and Whiteness within Vegan Philosophy: Critical Race Feminist Reflections from the Sistah Vegan Project.” Breeze's main point was that mainstream veganism has been presented by and for a narrow segment of race and class (white middle-class); many authors don't acknowledge that they are white and middle to upper class. She suggested that many (white) people in the United States have a racial literacy from the '50s where racism = segregation and overt violence like lynching. The view of our society as “post-racial” (“we're not racist, we have a black president”) covertly encourages race- and class-neutral attitudes, and does more harm than good.

Breeze talked a lot about privilege: it's like being born on second base when you think you started at bat. She argued that there isn't a good understanding of how whiteness and racism work in veganism, and many popular books are laden with unacknowledged privileges: don't be a cheapskate, buy all organic foods! (Well, what if there isn't a Whole Foods in your backyard, or you don't have a car to drive to one, or the money to afford their high prices?) Without knowing where we're at in terms of race, class and gender and the historical contexts of which we're a part, we can't see how these things shape our relationship to nature.

The path to addressing these issues will hold anti-racism as a central tenant and include reflection about our own privileges. To learn more about her work, visit the Sistah Vegan Blog. She also mentioned further reading: Lee & Lutz: Situating "race" and racisms in time, space, and theory and Eduardo Bonilla-Silva's Racism Without Racists.

Hell yes, science!

A scientific article:

The Interpersonal Power of Feminism: Is Feminism Good for Romantic Relationships?

Laurie A. Rudman & Julie E. Phelan (Click for full text)

Published online: 6 October 2007

Abstract Past research suggests that women and men alike perceive feminism and romance to be in conflict (Rudman and Fairchild, Psychol Women Q, 31:125–136, 2007). A survey of US undergraduates (N=242) and an online survey of older US adults (N=289) examined the accuracy of this perception. Using self-reported feminism and perceived partners’ feminism as predictors of relationship health, results revealed that having a feminist partner was linked to healthier relationships for women. Additionally, men with feminist partners reported greater relationship stability and sexual satisfaction in the online survey. Finally, there was no support for negative feminist stereotypes (i.e., that feminists are single, lesbians, or unattractive). In concert, the findings reveal that beliefs regarding the incompatibility of feminism and romance are inaccurate.

Keywords Feminism . Close relationships . Feminist stereotypes . Intergroup relations . Gender attitudes

Citation: Rudman LA & Phelan JE (2007). The interpersonal power of feminism: is feminism good for romantic relationships? SEX ROLES: Volume 57, Numbers 11-12, 787-799.

TSA scanners and gender

"After all, masculinity implies sexual privacy -- the privilege of moving through life unmolested. Or unnoticed. The most powerful, and to men, mostly invisible, sexual privilege of masculinity is the ability to remain unaware of oneself as a body."

I suppose I never included that in my concept of male privilege, but it seems dead on.

Quote from an interesting (and concise) take on the TSA scanners:
http://prospect.org/cs/articles?article=screening_for_gender

Pinkwashing

Couldn't have said it better myself, so here's a quote:

I want to get serious about breast cancer. I want to raise awareness and find a cure. How will pink kleenex on my desk and pink toilet paper in my office cure breast cancer? How does wearing pink lipstick to work and adorning our suits with pink scarves and pink ribbons change the survival rates for women in our country?

If we really believed in eliminating breast cancer — and all cancers — we would have radically overhauled our health care system in America. We would rethink the relationship between consumers/patients, hospitals, research centers, and pharmaceutical companies. And we wouldn’t try to sell pink clogs and pink candy to raise breast cancer awareness in our country.

From thecynicalgirl.com.

Why I’m a feminist, or THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE

First and foremost, I call myself a feminist because my vision of the world includes men and women on equal ground. I reject those attempts to try and make “feminist” a dirty word, making it seem like braless, unshaved women who think men should be kept underground. To me the word feminist represents a vision of equality, one which women still are striving toward, regardless of what undergarments they wear, who they sleep with, and whether or not they shave. I’ve met some people lately who don’t seem to understand that this is still a struggle we women face daily. Here’s what I mean, and this is just off the top of my head, by no means an exhaustive list.

I’m a feminist because:

• I (and all people) should be able to walk down the street not fearing rape. Most men have the privilege not to fear being forced against their will to have sex with someone else, and this may be an altogether unfathomable concept for many men. However, it is rare that I am able to walk down a street at night not aware about the lighting, the other people walking, and calculating the best, safest route home.
• I (and all people) deserve reproductive rights: the right to choose what happens to my own body. I’m talking about the right to abortion (if that’s what I so choose), and I’m talking about the right to choose when and how (at least partially) I want to have sex.
• I am a feminist because it is unacceptable that 1 in 3 women is sexually assaulted in her lifetime. If you think you don’t know these women, it’s because they aren’t talking, not because it didn’t happen. 1 in three: that’s either your grandma, your mom or your girlfriend. It’s your classmate, the women on the street, the woman next to you on the bus. It’s a third of us: the numbers are clear.
• I (and all people) deserve equal pay for an equal job. I still can’t believe this is denied to women.
• I (and all people) deserve to be respected and not have my perspectives discounted because of my gender.
• I’m a feminist because “woman” is a dirty word in our culture. I watch “The L Word,” “Sex in the City,” and virtually any other pop culture movie and hear women -- ages 20 to 65 call themselves and be called “girls.” What is this? Are we so afraid of our womenhood that we can no longer freely use the word ‘woman’ to describe ourselves? That it feels weird to use it to describe myself is motivation for me to keep using it. Woman isn’t a ‘politically correct’ word: IT IS WHO I AM.
• I’m a feminist because I’m tired of this bullshit standard of beauty that’s constantly being fed to me and that I am compared to. Belittling me will not make me buy your stupid product.
• I’m a feminist because I’m fucking pissed off that men feel justified honking, whistling, yelling, and making kissing noises at me on the street.
• I’m a feminist because it’s so hard to find a significant other that respects me. For not being a feminist, for not being outspoken, I am used and abused. I must speak up to be respected: this is what experience has taught me.
• Also, I know that being a (passing-as-white) woman, and being a feminist in the United States is probably a whole lot easier to do than most of the rest of the world and probably a lot of women of color in my own country. I am also a feminist in solidarity with these women; though we have vastly different experiences, we share the common experiences of womanhood.
  

For if I do not call myself a feminist, that means I accept the current state of women, and I simply, utterly, and to my core do not. It should not be a struggle for half of the world population to achieve basic rights: of respect, of choice, and of equality. These rights are still being denied to us women, and we all must work together to bring them to all people. This is feminism.

Rape...fantasies?

So I was reading Dan Savage's advice column, and recently a self-professed feminist man was asking about enacting a rape fantasy with his feminist girlfriend.

I don't understand this idea of "rape fantasies." It seems sort of like an oxymoron - a situation in which one consents to have their consent removed. Rape is sex (of any kind) without consent. And in the case of a "rape fantasy," people talk this over with their partner(s) beforehand? (Also, as a side note: what kind of feminist are you who would continue to perpetuate this culture of disrespect toward women?!)

It's a very tiny little bit like asking someone to "act surprised" after they already know what the surprise is.

Oftentimes I've heard the idea of "rape fantasies" being nested in the BDSM category. I'm not really sure why this is the case, except for our society's convolution of rape and violence (though this is certainly not the case for all rapes, probably not even the majority).

On the other hand, my first response is to associate "rape fantasies" with the "rape culture" in our society, not BDSM or other deviant sex acts. (Here's a great post on Rape Culture 101, for those unfamiliar with this term. Check it out!) To me, it signifies a misunderstanding of rape and an insensitivity to the experience of rape (to the experience of having one's consent ignored, disregarded, and/or forcefully prevented).

"Rape culture is pervasive narratives about rape that exist despite evidence to the contrary. Rape culture is pervasive imagery of stranger rape, even though women are three times more likely to be raped by someone they know than a stranger, and nine times more likely to be raped in their home, the home of someone they know, or anywhere else than being raped on the street, making what is commonly referred to as "date rape" by far the most prevalent type of rape."

So I'm pretty sure my negative reaction to this idea of "rape fantasies" doesn't come from a prejudice against deviant sex acts, but rather my understanding of it as a logical flaw. Oh and that it is insensitive to the experience of rape, yeah.

What do you think?

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

Stolen verbatim from GIRL W/ PEN.Love it.

1 Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2 When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3 If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4 NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5 If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6 Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7 USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8 Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9 Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10 Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

Oh, and HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY.

Gendered TED

'ingenious' - click for bigger version

check out the genders of the people on TEDs 'beautiful' and 'ingenious' tags. a friend and i were looking at the videos tagged 'ingenious' on TED and noticed that they're *all* men, and i jokingly said that 'beautiful' would be all women. unfortunately it was.

'beautiful' - click for bigger version

i'm not trying to place blame on TED or anything, because i'm pretty sure these are user-generated tags, just pointing out (because someone should) that it's a little sexist...

Letter to the Editor

I'm trying to clean out my closet of random things I've pack-ratted away during 4 years at college. I ran across this:


Campus sexual assault should not be tolerated
April 24th, 2008

What kind of society do we live in when women are not allowed to walk home without being in fear?

I was walking home from a library after a few intense hours of paper-writing. Around midnight, I decided to take a well-lit street home. As I walked past a dorm, a young man yelled at me, threatening to anally rape me. I didn't dare flinch nor look in his direction. A few seconds later, another man demanded me to answer. I spent the next few blocks walking fast, my heart racing, looking over my shoulder.

This story is not rare, nor an exception to the rule. It is ludicrous that it continues.

We must no longer tolerate this kind of behavior. It is a direct violation of the University's policy on sexual harassment; perpetrators must be held accountable to provide the safe environment promised to students on campus. What is the state of our campus community when students feel so confident to publicly commit such acts of sexual assault? It is essential that this not be tolerated on any level. Individually, it could be as simple as telling people you know about your experiences, rather than silencing them. Speak out against this.

We must come together and address the issue of sexual harassment, assault and violence as a community and commit to taking measures to end it. We should develop and promote education efforts that can be taken seriously by all students.

We must start respecting each other. Only from a profound lack of respect for fellow community members can one verbally threaten strangers on the street, and we must meet this disrespect with a steadfast will to overcome it.

This is not acceptable; our campus should not condone its continuance, and we should cultivate respect for one another.

Ari Sahagun
Senior in LAS

One impression of rural Costa Rica

The past week we've been traveling to some pretty rural towns. I noticed that men stare "deeper" there, with more penetration, as compared to what I normally experience around here, in the urban areas. In most of Latin America, men stare pretty often, and sometimes do more (whistle/beep/etc), but this was different. Like 90% of the men on the street stared at me and it made me feel physically, viscerally objectified. Made me feel like I was wearing a bikini, when I was wearing way more clothes than the climate allowed for (hardly any skin showing)...wishing I had a cloak to add on top. I can't find the right word for it, 'disgusting' keeps popping up, but that's not quite it. Completely devalued? Naked? I'm not sure. They were definitely not looking at what I felt was me. All of this was walking next to Justin - and a couple of times he said buenas dias/noches or hola to them and they didn't even acknowledge him, just stared right past him to me, through me. God, it was creepy and I hated being there. So unwelcome.

As for staring at my sister's ass

First, why do guys think I give a shit about how hot my sister* is?? Or that it isn't offensive...I feel some mature part of myself suppressing the inevitable rant so I can actually tell you something coherent, and I've been trying to think how to word it. It goes something like this:

Privilege has a history that the privileged are often blind to. It would be one thing, let's say, in a vacuum society with a blank slate, for a man to look at a woman's ass. It's biological, sexual, evolutionary. Completely guilt-free, and, well, natural. Same with the reverse (woman checking out a man)(EDIT: or a woman checking out a woman or a man checking out a man).

However, in our society, that is not the case. The case is that for the past few hundred years (maybe even thousand), women have been constructed as objects in mens' minds. We have been forced to act according to man's will. We are told how to dress, how to walk, how to please him. We are fed a history of lies - of how we are made from him (Eve from Adam), of how we are not as holy as He (no female Priests, Rabbis (until lately), few deities), of how we are not as powerful (no presidents, political leaders, few CEOs), we are told we are weak, we are not artistic or creative (no major female artists, poets, writers, inventors until the past 2 centuries). We are dehumanized, demoralized, and thus dominated by the male psyche. So, when you stare at a woman's ass in our society, that's what you're reinforcing.

When you tell me about staring at my sister's ass, you ask me to justify that, and I cannot.

(* I use this word in the broadest sense possible.)

new orleans, part 5

being in New Orleans (NOLA) again has reminded me to not be normalized. i love how that city and the spaces it provides allow me to express my true, more radical sides, rather than my institutionalized, academic, more rigid personality. school is making me less radical and i hate it. in that way, i'm glad this era is ending.

the city is still plagued, but is healing, too. V to the 10th helped me see that in a really powerful way. focusing on ending violence against women and spotlighting post-katrina new orleans, in the superdome was emotional. hearing people talk, rap, slam, cry, and share about their experiences was a healing for me, one that i've rarely had the opportunity to be a part of. the superdome, reclaimed as superLOVE for the weekend was transformed into a welcoming, art filled, female filled place -- a womb for birth and growth, if you will. :)

i'm so glad i was able to go. getting this respite, change of pace, and challenge to normativity is a good perspective to have as i'm getting ready to graduate.

here are some important things i wrote down that i want to remember:

• -see NOLA as a "canary in the coalmine" -- in terms of government, capitalism, misuse of public trust, etc. we should make sure that this doesn't continue to happen on a national level.
• -eve ensler: "the struggle is the change." eve rocks.
• -jane fonda spoke about art and activism -- art opens the heart, activism creates the change. i hadn't previously connected the two, but i'd like to start integrating that into my life and perspective.
• -slam poetry is HOT.
  

i suppose i viscerally FELT a lot of things i 'knew' about rape and violence against women. rape isn't necessarily violent or forceful, in the way we generally understand those words. it doesn't have to involve guns, blood, or physical force. it seems that media/popculture/etc have claimed and defined this discourse -- INCORRECTLY. the framing of these issues as such (on a societal AND individual level) lead us to incorrect solutions. the discourse and solutions should revolve around respect, consent, and the sacred-ness of sexuality. our society has violated that, and continues to do so even as it claims to restore it. women may not know, i did not know that "no" MEANS no. this space, this gift is mine, and maybe i will -share- it with someone else. how many times did you say no, did you feel 'no' or 'stop' or 'i don't want to' but you did anyway? how many more times will it take for you to speak up? how many more before you empower yourself and claim yourself? none. no more will i silence myself, no more will i let this continue. i will respect that choice and honor it. this is the beginning of something sacred.

if you want more information on this movement, visit the vday website: http://www.vday.org
if you'd like to talk to me about it, comment on the blog or send me an email; i'd like to hear what you have to say.

rereading past posts of mine on this blog, it's interesting to see these themes woven throughout. from aug.08.2006, almost two years ago, i posted a list of quotes from thich nhat hanh. here's one that i've finally come to understand this weekend:

"when we hold back our feelings and ignore our pain, we are committing violence against ourselves. the practice of nonviolence is to be here, to be present, and to recognize our own pain or despair."

again as i've expressed on this blog before, i hope this is the beginning of a string of related posts. hopefully finishing school will give me more free time to devote to this.

thanks for reading.