Travel 2013: Sexism in india

The oppression of women, or sexism, in India was worse than I expected.  However, I’m sure that several of these things are sexist as I perceive them and may not be perceived that way by the women who live it every day.   I can say for sure, that men make it uncomfortable for women (at least foreign women) to walk on the street.  They stare blatantly and harshly.  This can range from curiosity to something more lustful and scary.   Many times a day, men would walk by staring directly at our breasts and not make eye contact – this is from close range.  There was rarely a time when my sister and I were sitting some place where there were not men staring.  I’m not exaggerating.  For example, in restaurants, often there would be either another patron or multiple wait staff staring.  One time, I counted 10 at once in a restaurant.  On our train ride from Delhi to Agra (a major tourist thoroughfare) 5 men stared as we played cards.

In a tourism book, I read that it isn’t uncommon for women to get groped in public spaces (like crowded markets or public transportation).  Fortunately this didn’t happen to me, but I had the mind to grab some man’s wrist after he tried anything and not just let him walk away freely from it.

Occasionally, often with some layer of protection, like speed (from a moving autorickshaw) or glass (from inside a restaurant), my sister and I would challenge blatant and unrelenting staring.  Once Licia stuck her tongue out at a guy who was staring from outside restaurant and he started laughing as he tried to return the gesture.  He eventually moved out of direct line of sight but still checked in on us.  The last few days, we started saying things loudly to each other, like “you shouldn’t stare,” or “stop staring at us.”  I’m pretty sure it is also seen as impolite in Indian culture, but I didn’t see any Indian women respond to it.

The dress code is different in India for women than it is in the U.S., but that is being challenged in big cities by younger women.  Traditionally, women wear saris (long cloth wrapped around her body) or kurtas and tights or some pants under them.  Their legs were generally fully covered, and often, with kurtas, so were their arms.  And this is in temperatures above 100 degrees F.  Licia and I generally wore dresses with tights under them, so not as fully covered, but still more than either of us would like to wear if we had the choice.  Pulling up tights in 100 degree weather is far from easy or comfortable.  So we felt like we were doing our part to not have our bodies exposed.

And I think the heat made my frustration with staring men worse.  Since it’s difficult to feel any power in the face of the threat of violence and potential lack of shared language, we often felt unable to express anything to the men who were being offensive.  Put that in a steamy oven of 115 degrees that is Delhi in the summer and it feels pretty ugly.  

On rape jokes

1 in 4 people.  1 in 4 refers to the number of reported sexual assaults of women on college campuses during their undergraduate years.

This happened. In a nutshell, a comedian, Daniel Tosh, made some sort of rape joke, a woman (COURAGEOUSLY, by the way) stood up and said that, "actually, rape jokes aren't funny," to which Tosh responded along the lines of, "wouldn't it be hilarious if this woman got gang-raped right here."

Then this good article (and several less good ones) was written.

Some key quotes from the Jezebel article include:

• "The world is full of terrible things, including rape, and it is okay to joke about them. But the best comics use their art to call bullshit on those terrible parts of life and make them better, not worse."
• "We censor ourselves all the time, because we are not entitled, sociopathic fucks. ...A comic who doesn't censor himself is just a dude yelling." (*Could be "herself" and "a chick" yelling...)
• "It's really easy to believe that "nothing is sacred" when the sanctity of your body and your freedom are never legitimately threatened."
• "It's like the difference between a black comic telling a joke about how it feels to have white people treat you like you're stupid all the time vs. a white comic telling a joke about how stupid black people are."

The author of the article also has a paragraph that explains the importance of the *context* of sexism and patriarchy that surrounds this joke, by making up an analogy that might help people understand it at some level.

Sexual Objectification

What follows is a nice analysis of sexual objectification with some disturbing (because they're real) examples from pop culture. The post (and blog) are run by a professor of politics. Part one describes objectification and part two shows that "We now have over ten years of research showing that living in an objectifying society is highly toxic for girls and women"
1) http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/07/02/sexual-objectification-part-1-what-is-it/
2) http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/07/06/sexual-objectification-part-2-the-harm/

 Interestingly, part two cites a study regarding the effects of objectification on political efficacy (I suppose you could think of it as involvement). Here's an excerpt from its abstract:

 "The normalization of female objectification in American culture has given rise to self-objectification, the phenomenon of girls and women seeing themselves as objects of desire for others. ... This research examines the political effects of self-objectification and finds that it is negatively related to both internal and external political efficacy. The democratic implications of this finding are considered." 

A particular quote from the trailer to Miss Representation in the second post sticks with me: "The fact that media are so derogatory to the most powerful women in the country ...then what does it say about media's ability to take any woman seriously."

 Just some food for thought on a steamy Saturday (at least in IL) -- and if you want to continue the conversation or have questions (or outrage!) in response to reading, share your thoughts!

privilege: a poem

privilege
a poem for men who don't understand what we mean when we say they have it

D.A. Clarke

reprinted from Banshee, Peregrine Press

Copyright (c) 1981

privilege is simple:
going for a pleasant stroll after dark,
not checking the back of your car as you get in, sleeping soundly,
speaking without interruption, and not remembering
dreams of rape, that follow you all day, that woke you crying, and
privilege
is not seeing your stripped, humiliated body
plastered in celebration across every magazine rack, privilege
is going to the movies and not seeing yourself
terrorized, defamed, battered, butchered
seeing something else

privilege is
riding your bicycle across town without being screamed at or
run off the road, not needing an abortion, taking off your shirt
on a hot day, in a crowd, not wishing you could type better
just in case, not shaving your legs, having a decent job and
expecting to keep it, not feeling the boss's hand up your crotch,
dozing off on late-night busses, privilege
is being the hero in the TV show not the dumb broad,
living where your genitals are totemized not denied,
knowing your doctor won't rape you

privilege is being
smiled at all day by nice helpful women, it is
the way you pass judgment on their appearance with magisterial authority,
the way you face a judge of your own sex in court and
are over-represented in Congress and are not strip searched for a traffic ticket
or used as a dart board by your friendly mechanic, privilege
is seeing your bearded face reflected through the history texts
not only of your high school days but all your life, not being
relegated to a paragraph
every other chapter, the way you occupy
entire volumes of poetry and more than your share of the couch unchallenged,
it is your mouthing smug, atrocious insults at women
who blink and change the subject -- politely -- privilege
is how seldom the rapist's name appears in the papers
and the way you smirk over your PLAYBOY

it's simple really, privilege
means someone else's pain, your wealth
is my terror, your uniform
is a woman raped to death here, or in Cambodia or wherever
wherever your obscene privilege
writes your name in my blood, it's that simple,
you've always had it, that's why it doesn't
seem to make you sick to your stomach,
you have it, we pay for it, now
do you understand

Rape...fantasies?

So I was reading Dan Savage's advice column, and recently a self-professed feminist man was asking about enacting a rape fantasy with his feminist girlfriend.

I don't understand this idea of "rape fantasies." It seems sort of like an oxymoron - a situation in which one consents to have their consent removed. Rape is sex (of any kind) without consent. And in the case of a "rape fantasy," people talk this over with their partner(s) beforehand? (Also, as a side note: what kind of feminist are you who would continue to perpetuate this culture of disrespect toward women?!)

It's a very tiny little bit like asking someone to "act surprised" after they already know what the surprise is.

Oftentimes I've heard the idea of "rape fantasies" being nested in the BDSM category. I'm not really sure why this is the case, except for our society's convolution of rape and violence (though this is certainly not the case for all rapes, probably not even the majority).

On the other hand, my first response is to associate "rape fantasies" with the "rape culture" in our society, not BDSM or other deviant sex acts. (Here's a great post on Rape Culture 101, for those unfamiliar with this term. Check it out!) To me, it signifies a misunderstanding of rape and an insensitivity to the experience of rape (to the experience of having one's consent ignored, disregarded, and/or forcefully prevented).

"Rape culture is pervasive narratives about rape that exist despite evidence to the contrary. Rape culture is pervasive imagery of stranger rape, even though women are three times more likely to be raped by someone they know than a stranger, and nine times more likely to be raped in their home, the home of someone they know, or anywhere else than being raped on the street, making what is commonly referred to as "date rape" by far the most prevalent type of rape."

So I'm pretty sure my negative reaction to this idea of "rape fantasies" doesn't come from a prejudice against deviant sex acts, but rather my understanding of it as a logical flaw. Oh and that it is insensitive to the experience of rape, yeah.

What do you think?

just now

i am walking home from studying at a library.

it's late at night, so i chose to take the brightest lit road home. a conscious decision.

i'm walking at a brisk pace past a dorm, and i am the only one walking within a few blocks.

"wanna double bed?" a male voice calls from the dorm, "because i'll double penetrate your asshole."

i keep walking. i don't even flinch, nor dare to look in the direction of his voice. i walk about 10 more steps.

"answer the motherfucker." yells a second voice.

i keep on walking. trying not to too obviously look around me in fear that someone is following.

3 and a half blocks home, and my heart is still racing when i get to the door.